Column - Meaford Express - Simcoe.com August 2016

July disappeared in a flash around here... August provides me with a new opportunity to write write write... beginning with the Meaford Express column.

Please click here to read my thoughts about this summer's exorbitant heat and sun.  Thank you for clicks and shares!

Meaford Soap Box Derby - July 2, 2016

Several years ago my dear friend and neighbour told me about an ambitious idea she had... a dream to bring a fun event to our beloved town, an event for kids, created and supported by parents and family members... A Soap Box Derby.  

She would invite friends of all ages to build little cars, pass safety inspections, temporarily close a down-grade street in town, race-coast down a hill, and have a heckuva good time on a summer day.  

And here we are... fresh from the celebration of the fifth annual... my friend's fun project:  Meaford Soap Box Derby

The Meaford Soap Box Derby is held annually on Canada Day (or the Saturday closest to Canada Day) in downtown Meaford, with the coordination and support of many community members who share the same passion as my friend does for the fun competitive friendly race of non-motorized vehicles large enough to hold but one small person.  

I have always supported my friends' efforts in this event from afar, typically being away Canada Day weekend (or two years ago being confined to bedrest still recovering from surgery), but I was always home to observe the after-event cleanup and stories.

Every year I noticed that my beloved friends came home from the Meaford Soap Box Derby with sunburns.  Busy day, lots to do, early morning setup until late afternoon takedown, lots of tents for shade but also lots of hours in and out of the sun.  

So.... inspired by some of my melanoma advocacy efforts in the city, I thought perhaps I could "sponsor" the folks at the Meaford Soap Box Derby with a sunscreen/shade/sun-safety tent.  Finally something I could do at home!  I could give back to my community in a small way  - and on the best event of the summer.  AND I could keep my friends from getting sunburns if I was there in person to apply their sunscreen for them! ;-) 

So I did.  

With generous support from Save Your Skin Foundation and the Bluewater Canadian Cancer Society, I was able to participate in the 5th annual Meaford Soap Box Derby - YES!! 

I was there at 7 a.m. for setup, got to witness all the action - fantastic group of volunteers!  Friends rather.. they are a sweet bunch of friends all working toward a fun event for kiddos from all over.  

The sun was warm and bright all morning, there was a gentle breeze keeping everybody cool, but I got a chance to let people know that that is one of the most dangerous kinds of days.  Deceivingly beautiful, but you can end up with a scorcher of a hot epidermis if you're not careful! 

I had a couple hours to share lots of sunscreen with kids and parents who may have forgotten or neglected their Sun Protection Factor.  Many responded with a positive appreciation as yes they did not have it on.  I helped people Slip Slop Slap around the event and was humourously dubbed "the Sunscreen Lady" - it was fun!  

Save Your Skin Foundation had sent me a bunch of bracelets and key chains equipped with UV Index indicating sensors (they change colour in sunlight, reminding you to put on sunscreen) so I was able to give those out, as well as a varied supply of 30+ SPF sunscreen creams, sprays, and sticks.  Many kids were sharing with each other and passing along word that there was a special tent for shade and sunscreen.

  

Unfortunately I had to leave just before 10 a.m. to buzz to Toronto (double-booked silly me damned chemo brain) but before I did I was able to hand off the Sunscreen Lady title to a representative from the Canadian Cancer Society (Bluewater).  I appreciate the support of the Cancer Society on this day - thank you!!!  I owe you one.  You helped me to be in two places at once, and I believe that if even ONE person was saved from a sunburn yesterday then we did our jobs.  

I loved chatting with little ones who were enthusiastic about sun protection, and I LOVED seeing my friends in action at the event they work hard to plan and carry out every year.  

Way to go Meaford Soap Box Derby!  

Thank you for having me.  See you next year!!!

Some more great photos.....  and please feel free to find Meaford Soap Box Derby on Facebook for event info and more fun!  

Great job Mama!!! xoxoxoxoxoo

Escarpment Magazine - Guest Writer, me!

I was thrilled when Escarpment Magazine asked me to write an article for their Summer 2016 issue; about the importance of sun safety and skin health, based on my experience with stage three melanoma.  

An elegant and informative local publication that I have admired for years, Escarpment Magazine covers a collection of local home/garden design, recreation, fashion, real estate, health/wellness, and foodie finds that delight all audiences.  They cover everything in local sporting life such as bicycling, hiking,  and skiing, as well as fashion layouts featuring local models in clothing from shops all across Bruce, Grey, and Simcoe counties.  

Luxurious yet accessible, and 100% LOCAL.  I love it!! 

It is available in our area on stands in grocery stores, news outlets, and at several of their advertisers places of business, as well as subscription by mail.  (In fact I bought a subscription for my Mom so that all year round she can appreciate Georgian Bay Living from her Sarnia and Florida homes) 

It is also available online free of charge.  Please click here to see the article I wrote:

Applying SPF to Your Summer Plans

Thank you Haily, Clay, and everyone at Escarpment Magazine for inviting me to share in your Summer 2016 issue.  I am honoured, as a writer, and as a melanoma survivor.  

Congrats also to Clay and Cara for their upcoming promotions based on Deena's semi-retirement... I smiled ear to ear when I read that in her Editor's Note!  :-) 

 

Sun Awareness Week June 6-12, 2016

Since 1989, the Canadian Dermatology Association’s annual, nationwide Sun Awareness Week has helped educate Canadians about dangers of excessive sun exposure — and reduce the incidence of skin cancer in the country.

This year’s Sun Awareness Week takes place Monday, June 6 to Sunday, June 12, 2016.

I celebrated National Sun Awareness Week by having a mole removed.  I had this funny mole that was developing a black edge, so... I took it to my doctor and she relieved me of it right on the spot! So to speak.

She said it was a classic "S K"(seborrheic keratosis) - Nothing to worry about, totally normal.  She burned it with liquid nitrogen right there and confirmed that yes indeed, it was even freezing up like a SK.  So yay!  I was stressing about that mole a bit, even though I was told melanoma would be more likely to appear internally than on the surface, especially in a new spot so far away from the original wide excision.

Otherwise I have been working on various melanoma awareness initiatives during this, National Sun Awareness Week.  I am preparing for a photo shoot with a local magazine that I will share when the Summer Issue is published - very exciting.  Bucket list stuff, that one.

I have also been invited to participate in a project with Save Your Skin Foundation to bring awareness to the "journey" of advanced melanoma.  It too is top secret until reveal time, but it is a very creative concept that I am proud to be a part of.  Stay tuned!

Thank you Save Your Skin Foundation for arming me with a whole bunch of great swag to help spread awareness of Sun Safety and Skin Cancer Awareness!  I will wear it with pride and share it with everyone I meet.  

The bracelets especially will be of interest at the speaking engagements I have been invited to at a couple of elementary schools. They change colour in sunlight to indicate the level of the solar UV index.

The key chains as well... the centre changes colour depending on the level of solar UV index. The darker the shade the higher the UV. The shades match the tones around the outside as a guide.  Very cool! 

Me, Guest Blogger! Yahoo Canada - Style: Why no tan is a good tan

I am excited to share that I was asked to write an article for Yahoo! Canada in the Style section, about melanoma awareness and the Become A #SkinChecker campaign which kicked off in Toronto on May 2.  Thank you Yahoo! for helping us to share the message that it's #NotJustSkinCancer  

This guest blog piece required me to write in an open letter format, so it was an interesting challenge to write in that style for Yahoo! Style's Open Letter Series.  I am honoured to have been asked, and I stepped up to the topic in a bit different way - beauty, skin, tanning, vanity, style... a fashion-thinking approach.  I would be sharing the page with articles about the likes of the Kardashians after all!  

As for a photo to accompany the article?  Why my MOST tanned-skin picture of course!  The first one that came to mind was this one - my Southern-Belle tan was the perfect shade to show off this exquisite ivory silk dress which shimmered and was so soft and fluffy. 

I have recalled this particular image many times over the last two years, it has become a bit of a symbol in my archives.  For many reasons (since my divorce of course) but mainly as evidence of my perpetually bronzed complexion.  

Update November 2022 ~ Sadly, this article is no longer live on the Yahoo! Canada site. I have pasted it here for reading purposes: 

Dear Sun Worshipper,

I noticed your tan.  I fondly remember the warm relief of turning my face to the sun and feeling the heat through to my bones.  My happy place was lying, sitting, walking, anything! - under the bright rays of the sun.

  

I have been a sun-baby my whole life, my Ukrainian-Canadian skin rarely burned, and was always glowing bronze.  Even before it was called a “contour,” my contour was naturally golden, blemish-free and required a dusting of bronzer only on days I would wear black, or want to stun the party scene post-vacation. 

Come the month of May I would be flaunting my tank tops and starting the summer-day ritual of sneaking out on my lunch breaks to a private sunny corner to expose as much skin as possible to the renewing spring sun.  Little did I know this habit would lead me to spend sunny days far differently later in life. 

 

May is now for me the start of a season of limited outdoor time and repeated pangs of regret.  May is Melanoma Awareness Month, and I am painfully aware of that… as I have melanoma. 

 

Two years ago I had a mole turn ugly, far uglier that any piece of skin should have a right to be.  When I had it removed, the testing showed an aggressive form of skin cancer.  More tests quickly led to a diagnosis of stage 3b nodular melanoma; it had spread to my lymph nodes.  I quickly learned this was not JUST skin cancer.  It was inside my body, never to leave.

  

To help rid my body of this disease, I have had four surgeries, one of which landed me on bedrest for two months and has caused permanent damage to my leg, which remains swollen and heavy from lymphedema.  After that I had immunotherapy treatments over the course of 68 weeks which have so far staved off the spread of melanoma to my organs, but in return have disrupted my gastrointestinal system to uncomfortable proportions.  

My children, friends, and family have suffered alongside as I have struggled to survive melanoma.  We have all learned too much about this deadly disease, this disease that will afflict over 6 800 Canadians this year, almost 1 200 from which will perish.  Even writing those words makes my blood run cold.  I can no longer heat it up in the sun, and I wish I never had. 

 

I continue to recover from the blow that melanoma has given me, but I also continue to have CT scans every three months and frequent appointments with my oncology team.  I cannot make a medical move in the care of my own health without first discussing it with at least three doctors.  I appreciate my physicians immensely, but if I could choose?  I would prefer my old lunch breaks back; my carefree days of privacy and a glowing complexion, my confidence and ambition for a long life ahead. 

 

All of those are gone, but what I am left with is a new perspective on beauty and a better glow, a glow from within.  An ambition to change perspective on what appears to our society as healthy skin.  It is not the old days, when tanned skin was perceived to be healthy, connected with athleticism and a blooming lifestyle.

  

Tan skin is damaged skin.  Melanoma is a disease in which malignant (cancer) cells form in the skin cells called melanocytes (cells that color the skin).  Melanoma is caused by overexposure to ultraviolet (UV) radiation from either sunlight or tanning lamps; UV radiation damages genes that regulate cell growth and division.  It is considered the least common yet the most serious of the three main types of skin cancer, which also include basal cell and squamous cell cancers. (source)

In my case, melanoma has metastasized to my lymphatic system, therefore my risk of malignant cells making their way to my vital organs is high. I live in constant fear, waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I live with stage 3 cancer.  No tan was ever worth that. 

I am thankful that I have the opportunity now to bring awareness to this critical issue.  I started with my teenaged twin daughters: they avoid sun over-exposure at all costs and they encourage their friends to share their sunscreen.  I see their generation being more careful with their skin, and I love that tanning salon attendance now allows only 18+ customers.  

I would like to speak with the 18+ tanners as well, I could show you my scars and describe to you the tears through which I have learned this lesson.  I would show you photos such as the one above: myself as a young bride with a remarkable brown shade of skin.  And then I would show you my new favourite brand of mineral sunscreen with a tinted base.  I feel beautiful – AND healthy – when I put it on.   

I would tell you to look after your largest organ, to keep it out of the sun and to inspect it regularly for irregularities or unwelcome changes in mole appearance.  And I would invite you to learn from and participate in such campaigns as the Dalmatian-loving “Become A Skin Checker” movement.  

Detect. Protect. Keep Skin Cancer in Check. Spot Skin Cancer to Stop Skin Cancer.  

All easy things to keep in mind.  Besides the informative message to stay out of the sun between the hours of 10 a.m. and 4 p.m., wear sun-protective clothing, UV-blocking sunglasses, a hat, and SPF30+ sunscreen, Become A #SkinChecker offers detailed information on how to find a dermatologist to help maintain your skin health.  

#SkinChecker is connecting people world-wide with a healthy approach to skin and in turn, a greater awareness and observation of skin maintenance.  An earlier-detected skin cancer diagnosis means less pain, fear, and risk of shortened life span.  Don’t put your beautifully tanned head in the sand as I did, it’s not worth it.  

I guarantee you are beautiful with your natural skin, please embrace it, look after it, and enjoy your healthy body without skin cancer melanoma.  

Your Truly,

Ex-Sun-Worshipper

My feelings about the Sun

In the last few weeks my relationship with the Sun has come into question more publicly than usual.  Preparing for my photo and bio to be posted on the I'mLivingProof.ca website, I searched through photos of myself and I came up with a few options that may have been outdated but were of me nonetheless.  I consider myself to be very UN-photogenic, plus I tend to be the body behind the lens in my family, so photos of me are few and far between.  I sent a couple:

The site coordinator at SYSF politely asked me if I had any other photos of myself, in NOT the Sun.  Hhhmmmm.... nope, not really!  

Until that day I had not admitted to anyone else that I could see why it may be inappropriate for a melanoma patient to be on a melanoma awareness project portrayed in sunglasses and a halter top.  

I had used these tanned happy photos several times over the years in my writing, facebook, friends' photos/albums, etc. and I was still using them, thumbing my nose at the idea of the Sun being solely responsible for my skin cancer.  

I toss it around in my mind every sunny day, especially in summer when I am sitting inside looking out - yes my lifetime of sun exposure may have contributed to the onset of disease, but yes it may have been a case of bad genetic "luck," as is also known to happen.  

Even during the video-shoot interview I attended in December I was stumped when asked how I now feel about the Sun?  What is my relationship with the Sun?   I was silent.  I couldn't put it into simple words that would make sense on camera.  I stuttered and fell silent again, and I desperately hope they cut out that part of the interview.
  

Almost two years since melanoma entered my life and I do not have a good answer to this question, or at least not one that I would comfortably share with young people looking for definitive advice on whether or not to spend time in the sun and be careless about sun protection.  Yes I am FOR sun protection, and yes I will be careful in future, but no I will not live the rest of my life in fear of sunlight.  

Not until working on my book have I been able to put into words how I feel about the Sun. I have been mulling it over as in posts last February and March, and I still stand behind the words I wrote last year...

In the article Skin, written February 2015, I couldn't help but say about my Dermatologist: 

"She intimidates me like no other, she is my least favourite of all of my medical appointments (no offense to her, it's just the nature of the beast:  she is the one to lay blame on my sun-loving habits and express little sympathy over my willingness to repent in darkness for the rest of my life in exchange for never having to visit a Dermatologists' office again)."    

And an excerpt I wrote in: The Sun, April 2015

"I have yet to put in writing my thoughts about the sun.  I am a melanoma patient, however that may pan out in the future, at this point in time it is what it is.  I have always loved the sun, it makes me feel good, I haven't spent any time in it for the last year, I miss it tremendously, and every single day in the back of my mind I mull over how to handle myself sun-wise this coming summer.  

The doctors said that I need to stay out of it, wear a hat, stay in the shade, wear sunscreen and UV-protective clothing, stay away from windows and even be careful in the warmth from inside the car windows - avoid it at all costs.  In the next breath, I was told that I have as much chance of developing a NEW melanoma as anyone else does, or at least as much chance as I had before developing the first melanoma. 

Either way, fact is, my being in the sun will not affect my current melanoma, it doesn't make it grow, or spread, it is not a tumour that feeds on UV rays... what I have now is a disease inside my lymph system. That's what I have.  

SO, what I take from this is that I still have to be safe in the sun, as everyone should be, but... I may occasionally improve my quality of life by not banning myself from the thing that makes me most content and warm.  I am a sun baby, through and through."

Clearly I am still struggling with this, repeating and re-wording my thoughts every time I think about it, as I suspect I will do for the rest of my life. 

An excerpt from my future book, if you please:

I was never in it for the vanity.  Yes I enjoyed my complexion most when it was a luminous tan, the golden highlight of my collarbones and naturally glowing cheeks.  But the largest draw for me was the life I felt when my eyelids were closed against that light.  I consistently thanked the rays warming my skin and relieving me of my despondency.  I was never compelled to analyze the reason or the cause...

Perhaps my childhood always near some body of water, or my lifelong trips to Florida and even farther south spending vacations basking.  Or maybe an innate paganism that made my existence entirely reliant on worship of the Sun?  

I cannot give just one answer or explanation, but I can say that even in the height of my fight against a potentially deadly diagnosis of metastatic melanoma I still longed for my time in the Sun.  I felt I had been robbed of the life for which I had been made.  

The loss I felt upon being told by my oncologists that I could - should - never again be exposed to sunlight made me wilt on the spot.  That grief rivaled even the fear and desperation I felt at the thought of losing my very life.  To never bask in the Sun again? For what other purpose was I expected to live?  And for what reason was I doomed this punishment?  

I argued and kicked and fought, I bought the SPF and the clothing.  I stared longingly through the window on countless summer days, but until today I could not define my relationship with the Sun.  Modern-day pale youths would interview me, in awe that I could still say I love the Sun.  And every time I have been asked if I could change anything would I have kept away from the Sun? Would I trade my deadly diagnosis for a lifetime of peace in cold, pale skin?

No.

I could not answer.  

I could never explain what life-giving power the Sun has over me.  I was not laughing in the face of my diagnosis.  Admittedly, I have always had a problem with authority, but this is larger than that.  It is my nature, my need.  "Give me sunshine or give me death!"  I could not live in purgatory. 

Article © Natalie Richardson 2016

...and in other news... Melanoma Awareness

We have had a busy couple of months around here, all the usual stuff plus kitchen renovation, Cassie's ankle physio/recovery, grade eight homework times two, the girls' play rehearsals for the Kids in the Meaford Hall production of Aladdin in December, kitchen renovation, my antisocial crankiness, trips to Toronto, oh and did I mention kitchen renovation?  Phew it has been a whirlwind!  Overall good though, lots to report.

With my "remission" revelation comes renewed energy and desire to promote awareness of melanoma and it's related issues.  In May I participated in a cool Melanoma Monday event in Toronto on behalf of Save Your Skin Foundation (SYSF), the La Roche-Posay Become a Skin Checker campaign.  I had also written a blog as a guest on the SYSF website, and spoke in a webinar on my perspective of survivorship, also with SYSF.  

I am pleased to report I have been asked to participate in another upcoming SYSF event also in Toronto.  I will be among a small number of people presenting to the Ontario Government in early December on the top needs of a melanoma patient going into 2016.  Patient advocacy is a large part of the work SYSF does, and I am happy to share my perspective as a patient on the melanoma experience as it is today.  I have been relatively fortunate in my melanoma treatment and I know I am lucky to still be here to talk about it a year and a half after diagnosis.  I wish to bring awareness to this disease so that other Canadians can also have timely access to treatment of metastatic melanoma. 

This week I am also booked for a conference call with a Toronto-based team managing an upcoming skin cancer awareness project in collaboration with Save Your Skin Foundation. It sounds like it will be a social media campaign bringing awareness to sun safety and some other stuff that I can't share just yet but will discuss if and when it works out.  I am looking forward to hearing more about it! 

More details to come...  In the meantime I will share one of my favourite photos from treatment days at Odette Cancer Centre, Sunnybrook, in Toronto.   It was a random photo I took of my bracelets.  My hospital ID, and my beloved charm bracelet given to me by a friend for Christmas, on which I have charms that I have collected as rewards to myself for milestones in the last couple of years.   I feel this photo shows many facets of the state of my personality at this time.  Juxtaposition of cancer treatment and my real life, if you will:

 PS - Just for the record, for those of you who may wish to ask: no I do not have a "return to work" plan in place as of yet.  I still have quite a way to go in my physical and emotional recovery, and I am still going to need time before returning to my very public-facing employment position.  I have been in shock for a year and a half, it is quite reasonable to expect that it will take some time for myself and my family to recover from that alone.  Just saying.  


Thank you for your continued love and support!

May is Melanoma Awareness Month

Hello May!  Wow... time to dust off the sunscreen bottles and prepare for warm weather and proper sun safety.  Well of course we should be using proper UVA protection all winter too, facial cream with SPF15 minimum - my dermatologist says nothing lower than SPF30 thank you very much.

Speaking of which, I haven't elaborated much on sunscreen to date, but buckle up and hang on because here is where I start!  ;-)

Through Save Your Skin Foundation, I have been connected with one of my favourite skin care companies, LaRoche-Posay.  They have asked me to speak about my melanoma journey as part of their Become A Skin Checker campaign.  This is a worldwide campaign, educating primarily through social media and online apps.  And... well... a launch on Breakfast Television in Toronto on Monday May 4, 2015.  At which I have been asked to speak *gulp!*  :-)

Bringing awareness to melanoma is an important part of educating the public on early detection of cancer.   By being vigilant about skin health and checking moles (another time I will be elaborating on the ABCDE method of mole examination), 90% of melanoma detected on time can be treated successfully.  

Check out their site to read more and to sign up to be a skin checker:  If you care for somebody, become a SkinChecker, have a look at their spots.

Part of their campaign involves the image of dalmatians - SPOT skin cancer, STOP skin cancer.  Check out their video, it is SO cute!!!  

Lots to come over the next few days, about melanoma, awareness, skin health, sun safety, LaRoche-Posay, dalmatians, BT, Save Your Skin Foundation - save the skin you're in! and more!

A quick google search today May 1, 2015 shows a smattering of news:

Melanoma Research Alliance www.curemelanoma.org

http://www.etiket.ca/blog/may-is-skin-cancer-awareness-month/

SYSF press release - SO much news to come from there this month!

And a group I have yet to meet: David Cornfield Melanoma Fund (video: Dear 16 year old me)

And from our house... here is a photo of my favourite bottle of sunscreen (you may be able to tell it's well-used - sandy - and almost empty from all the trips to the beach!) .  True story - this is the stuff that kept Scott's delicate skin completely safe on our trip to Cuba three years ago:

Momma needs a new outfit!

Who GAINS weight while in treatment for cancer?  This girl, right here!  Yes, clearly, I can see it, I can feel it, and I don't like it.  In 2003-2004 I lost over 100 pounds (by my own fitness choices and dedicated effort) so I do know how to do it, and I know I can and will get back to my physically fit self again, but in the meantime I have to deal with how I look right now.  

I will say right off the start, please consider it a disclaimer:  

I am not complaining.  

I am happy to be alive.  

I am grateful that I am not wasting away and dealing with being too thin as part of my cancer journey.  Many people suffer with that and I imagine some day I may have that problem, but in the meantime I have a bit of extra "fluff."  My oncologist has even told me not to worry about it, she went as far as to say "We like our patients to have a bit of extra weight, it gives us more to work with."   :-S

Not that I considered that free reign to behave as I wish, but combine that with being laid up after surgery, inactivity from feeling fatigued and weak, weight gain from treatment(S) and adjusting to medication post-thyroidectomy, trying to find balance between living for the day and not worrying about the future, and all of the lovely treats and foodie gifts we gratefully receive... I am a bit puffier than I wish to be.  

Having said that, I can be happy it gives me inspiration to discuss something that must be an issue for most cancer patient/survivors:  How we look.  

Part of the loss of control over our lives is how we are affected inside and out.  How we appear to others is a large topic for many of us, especially women.  Take for example all of the beautiful breast cancer survivors we know who suffer the loss of their hair during chemotherapy.  Wigs, scarves, beautiful henna tattoos, make-up and makeover classes - reasonably large connection to the cancer department.  All ways to help us feel better about ourselves, inside and out.

Because I have not lost my hair or any weight, like many cancer (or hepatitis!) sufferers who receive systemic therapy, I do not fit the stereotypical perception of a sick person.  When I am out I receive many compliments for how I look, and I appreciate that, but inside I cringe, thinking "oh dear I look terrible!!"  Thanks for lying to me! Or thanks for loving me. I digress..

I have had some time to ponder the things that affect my self-image, and my self-esteem.  Yes, there is a list. LOL Did you expect any different?  

Again, I am not seeking sympathy (or advice on how to fix it!), I just wish to share some points about my current state of being.  I am dealing with it, it is part of my journey and I am embracing it.

  

I am embracing it by going shopping!! hehe 

At least my shoes still fit... oh wait NO I had to cut the straps off my Mary Janes, Right!!     

Here is one of my solutions:

<---- And YES, I have finally come to that point in my life where my daughters and I share the same foot size.  YAY!! Six pairs of pretty flats yesterday - thank you Claire and Cassandra!! (for having big feet too)

We went shopping yesterday, a much-needed and long-awaited step in my rehabilitation.  I have been living in my yoga pants since my first surgery April 3, 2014.  The mole excision on my hip was surprisingly painful, and my dress pants were just not a comfortable fit after that. Yoga pants rule.  

Hip mole dent and second surgery scar and lymphedema in my right leg make most pants a daunting challenge these days, so yesterday I explored some other options.  

First off I did buy new jeans. Pretty exciting actually, and they were even a size smaller than I thought they would have to be, not nearly as big as my pre-twin-pregnancy days (for those who did not know me then, I was pretty heavy in my early twenties).  Stretchy and flat-fronted, I can tolerate them for the time being.  A long dress was in order also, and I found a cool pair of dress pants with fluffy wide legs that are so cute - and comfortable! - I just HAD to have them.  Some pretty breezy tops and accessories and I left the mall exhausted but feeling productive.  

I have something to wear for some upcoming engagements on my calendar, or even for when my friends come to visit and politely not comment on the fact that I am STILL AGAIN wearing my yoga pants.  

Inside I know that when I lose the weight I can donate these clothes (as I did with my last XL wardrobe) to someone else who needs them, but in the meantime I can feel stylish and a teensy bit more like my old self.  

It took some work to cover up the lymphedema leg in a comfortable way, as well as the scars.  I am quite self-conscious about my scars, but the girls say I shouldn't be.  They maintain that "a scar is proof that something tried to hurt you, but didn't succeed!"  A couple of my male friends too have assured me that my scars are "cool" - not every girl has a dent in her butt!  I am unique and remarkable.  HA HA. 

The one scar that I couldn't cover with clothing yesterday was that from my thyroidectomy.  32 surgical staples around the neck and collarbone make for a decent residual effect, and though it has healed well, I still feel it. And see it.  Warm weather is coming and I am getting tired of sweating under my collection of pretty scarves, plus I miss my awesome collection of jewelry.  I am a necklace nut. 

So what if my neck is a bit caved in on one side?  It is still mine.  I have thought it was swelling on the left side of my neck, but when I finally forced myself to examine it the other day in the huge hotel mirrors I couldn't avoid, I realised that the swollen-looking part is not actually swollen any more. The part below it is just caved in, hollowed out.  My hip-leg area is like that too, and I have seen it in others who have had similar types of surgeries.  They removed a bunch of meat with the lymph nodes, tissue that will never grow back.

Along with that came my sensitive left shoulder.  As I was shopping yesterday, bumping into jewelry racks with my backpack LOL yes... my backpack, it occurred to me that I might look like one of those grey-haired hippie types who wear backpacks instead of a stylish purse?? My left shoulder received some nerve damage during thyroid surgery, and it is no longer comfortable to carry a purse on it like I did.  

For the ladies reading out there... ever try to switch your purse side?? It just does not work.  I spotted a gorgeous backpack a few weeks ago in Toronto and HAD to have it too.  I now wear a backpack to carry all my stuff, it has padded straps and evenly disperses the weight of my load.

So clothing covered and accessories dusted off, one remaining physical feature on my mind:  my pale skin.  Yes, my lack of tan.  All over. My face, my scars, my arms and eeeek legs, I was not even this white when I was born.  I can't even say I am rockin' the Snow White look. To me, I am blotchy and ghostly looking.  There is not enough makeup in this house to fix that. 

I am adjusting to that, as I consider my relationship with the sun. Obviously it would not be acceptable to be a melanoma awareness advocate with a beautiful tan?  

Again I have to weigh out my acceptance of that part of my appearance.  And how much I care about how others may or may not perceive my acceptance or lack thereof.  

Perhaps they wouldn't notice?  Quite likely they do not care.  Maybe they love me regardless and accept however I look as part of the package?  I am still here and that's what really counts.  How I look while I am here is important to me, but it is just one part of my journey.  

While I work out the issues on my inside, I may as well wrap the outside in a pretty new outfit.  Fake it 'til you make it? Or good fashion sense, either way I will be more graceful about accepting the compliments. And facing the mirror.  

Article and Photos © Natalie Richardson 2015

The Sun, co-written by: Claire

I have yet to put in writing my thoughts about the sun.  I am a melanoma patient, however that may pan out in the future, at this point in time it is what it is.  I have always loved the sun, it makes me feel good, I haven't spent any time in it for the last year, I miss it tremendously, and every single day in the back of my mind I mull over how to handle myself sun-wise this coming summer.  

The doctors said that I need to stay out of it, wear a hat, stay in the shade, wear sunscreen and UV-protective clothing, stay away from windows and even be careful in the warmth from inside the car windows - avoid it at all costs.  In the next breath, I was told that I have as much chance of developing a NEW melanoma as anyone else does, or at least as much chance as I had before developing the first melanoma. 

Either way, fact is, my being in the sun will not affect my current melanoma, it doesn't make it grow, or spread, it is not a tumour that feeds on UV rays... what I have now is a disease inside my lymph system, spreading, metastatic: 

metastasis [muh-tas-tuh-sis]
noun, plural metastases [muh-tas-tuh-seez]
1. Pathology.  the transference of disease-producing organisms or of malignant or cancerous cells to other parts of the body by way of the blood or lymphatic vessels or membranous surfaces.

That's what I have.  SO, what I take from this is that I still have to be safe in the sun, as everyone should be, but... I may occasionally improve my quality of life by not banning myself from the thing that makes me most content and warm.  I am a sun baby, through and through. 

  (Cass says I was an ugly baby!?)

A new friend in my support group asked me point blank if I have yet to forgive myself for that?  I couldn't answer... I think I have not, but my personal jury is still out on whether or not I need to forgive myself for it.  

In any case, I wanted to share with you Claire's speech for her public speaking assignment in grade seven this year.  She wrote about the Sun.  

The French Immersion support group Canadian Parents for French (CPF) holds an annual contest for the best French public speaking: Concours.  In grade five both Claire and Cassie won at their school level, and competed at the Board level one March 2013 evening in Chesley.  

Claire won second place that year, and after the first place winner could not go, Claire stepped in when invited to say her speech at Glendon College, York University, in Toronto.  We three girls went and made a weekend out of it, rented a dorm room at the university and everything, it was fun!  Claire won prizes and accolades and she got the itch for the performing arts. 

 

Last year their class was not given the opportunity to do speeches in time for the competition, but this year they did... and poof!  Again, Claire won their grade level and went on to compete in Chesley.  She placed second again - congratulations Claire!! (and we may or may not be secretly hoping that she will be called to Toronto again in May). ;-) 

I didn't get a chance to mention this before, because I was ill after my treatment and behind in blogging, but yes yahoo great job Sweetie!  I was not able to attend her speech performance in Chesley, as I was just returning from Sunnybrook that evening and had to remain in isolation.  But Cass, their Dad, and their grandparents went, and Dad video'd it for me and shared it on Dropbox. Yay technology, and yay Dad, thank you.  

Claire did an amazing job, what a trooper.  It was a heartbreak for us when she came home with the winning announcement and I had to break it to her that the Chesley night was the same as my Toronto night.  But she did it anyway, and smashed it.  :-)

Missing that performance compounded the guilt I have been feeling for missing so much over the past year.  I missed the girls' 12th birthday party (which I always host, much to the chagrin of the neighbourhood LOL) because I was two weeks post-op and couldn't move.  That was a terrible weekend, though my out of town friends Sonya and then Crystal swooped in for visits and rescued me from imminent depression and brought me food and thoughtful gifts, I missed the girls so much it physically hurt, moreso than my elevated leg and percoset-hazed headaches.

We got over that of course, in part due to my friends, Mom, family, and the girls' graceful nature, and proceeded with a summer of hit-and-miss-me attending traditional outings: I missed Claire's piano recital, but I was able to not-very-gracefully attend Cassie's guitar recital.  We were able to make Canada Day fireworks at the beach but Cassie had to lug my anti-gravity chair through the sand for me.  And back to school shopping happened, but in short bursts and then with me throwing a hissy fit that I had to sit down in the mall.  Frustrating!

Then came December, and my thyroid surgery.  And wouldn't you know it?  Damned surgery date was the day before Cass and Claire's opening performance of Narnia with Kids in the Meaford Hall.  I cried endlessly over that one, they had been practicing all Autumn, and now I was going to miss it.  Again, between Scott taking me to Toronto and staying there with me, and my Mom and the girls' Dad doing the home stuff, we got the girls fed, watered, rested, and taxi'd to and from every performance. I finally got to see the dvd of the performance last weekend, it was awesome of course.  

Then Chesley March 25 2015, and I missed it.  Next week Claire has her piano class/competition in the Kiwanis Festival in Owen Sound, and we have been advised it is Monday April 13.  Seriously!?!  That is my follow-up with the Endocrinologist.  Aaarghhh  I refuse to miss it.  I postponed my appointment, and will now see the Endocrinologist the same morning as my next CT scan at Sunnybrook, Tuesday April 21, 2015.  So what if I have to drink the pre-CT radioactive stuff while chatting with the thyroid Dr.?  I don't care how little sleep I get that day, I am not missing Claire's Kiwanis next week!  

Anyway... I did promise a speech didn't I...?   Here it is, Claire's grade seven speech about the sun, even I learned a couple of things from it!  

Please keep in mind that it has been translated from French to English, so it may seem a bit bumpy in a couple of places, but the smoothness just didn't quite survive the translation.  Also imagine her saying the numbers in this speech LOL if you know French at all you know that the key to success of any public speaking feat such as those numbers is to print them out in word form on the cue cards for practice when memorizing!

I hope you enjoy:

Le Soleil - The Sun     by Claire Richardson

What is in the center of our solar system, and in the center of our lives?  Greetings...ladies, gentleman, dear teachers, parents, and friends, today I will be talking about the sun.

As a warmup, I will be talking about the science of the sun, and how it affects your mind and the body.  Sadly, there are some negatives also. 

The distance of the sun to the earth 149 600 000 kilometres - that is 402 150 trips from Meaford to Toronto and back!  The earth is an oval, so the sun is closer to the earth more times than others.  Its closest July 4th, and it is farthest January 3rd.  The temperature in the middle of the sun is 27 472 540 degrees Fahrenheit.  It is HOT!

That brings us to what the sun does for our bodies.  When I think of the sun, the first thing I think of is vitamin D.  When the sun shines in the window, it does not give us vitamin D, as the sun in winter does not either, the rays are not strong enough, it is too cold.  But when we absorb the sun's rays directly, UVB energy converts to a form of cholesterol in vitamin D3 that travels to the liver and kidneys, where it meets with oxygen to become active.  The vitamin D from the rays helps our bodies to absorb calcium for strong bones, muscles, and a good immune system. 

The rays of the sun are white, which means that they are mixture of all of the colours in the rainbow, but when they pass the atmosphere, gases, dust, crystals of ice and little balls of water divide the rays into different colours, bouncing some toward toward our eyes and absorbing others.  The colours we see depend on which colours are reflected and absorbed. 

The sky is clear because the gases in the air reflects a lot of the blue light of the sun, the sky turns pale when extra dust or humidity reflects other colours. Sunsets are yellow-red if the air is dusty, because the rays of the sun have to travel farther in the atmosphere where only yellow and red are absorbed. 

The atmosphere of the earth blocks 88.7 per cent of the UV radiation of the sun that penetrates the atmosphere.  The 12.3 per cent of rays that travel have positive and negative effects.

Some positive effects include it helps some skin conditions.  UV is used in the treatment of the skin condition psoriasis, that is a condition when the skin loses cells too fast and develops itchy scaly patches.  Exposure to UV stops the growth of the skin cells and relieves the symptoms.  

It helps your mood because the sun stimulates the pineal gland in your brain, which produces a certain chemical named tryptomine.  That chemical improves mood.

The negatives... it is one cause of cancer.  UV is a human environmental carcinogen.  It is the most prominent and universal cause of cancer in our community.  There is strong evidence that the three types of skin cancer, basal cell carcinoma, squamous cell carcinoma, and melanoma, are caused by exposure to the sun. 

More than 90% of skin cancers come from UV rays.  Sun also causes skin burns.  UV burns the skin - a sunburn is a burn that happens when your cells are damaged, your cells are damaged by the absorption of UV rays.  Extra blood goes to the damaged skin to repair it, which is why our skin turns red when we have  a sunburn.

A lot of exposure to UV rays is dangerous to your immune system, because sunburns can change the distribution and function of white blood cells.  It ages your skin: UV accelerates the aging of your skin, causing wrinkles, brown spots, and loss of elasticity in your skin. 

The sun can do good things, the sun can do bad things.... Either way, the sun is in the centre of our solar system, and in the centre of our lives.

By: Claire Richardson         

 

<----- My Mom and Moi,        

Port Stanley, ON,  

197---something?    :-)

Article & Photos © Natalie Richardson 2015