Parenting, with Cancer

Or should it be called, Cancer, while Parenting... I work on this every day, both of those words are my number one priority.  One I chose to be such, one I did not choose.  Both take all of my energy and devotion, I constantly learn from both, both have changed me in ways I may never even fully understand.  

This time of year is always extremely busy for the girls and I.  With spring weather arrives renewed chores outdoors, a bunch of birthdays in our family, and the final push in school to get everything done before report card time.  May and June have been a write-off in my books for a few years now.  I used to have control over the pace of our activities this time of year, ie. annual girls' weekend up north?  But now I fully participate in helping drag my girls to the finish line... more A's on those French Immersion report cards and lots of pats on the back. Almost summer vacation then a well-deserved sigh of relief.   

We started May with a busy Toronto blast, which I thoroughly enjoyed. It was fantastic to be able to take my girls and teach them Toronto and hang out behind the scenes of a morning television news show and meaningful publicity event.  It was a busy reminder that the entire world is our childrens' school.  

Since that crazy first week of May we have slowed things down a bit, brought focus back to our household, got our new puppy, celebrated the girls' 13th birthday.  Yes, 13.

Last year I missed Claire and Cassie's birthday, I was on strict bedrest, two weeks post-surgery. Worst weekend of my life.  I missed the annual sleepover bash we have here, and the entire time I was missing it I was afraid it was my last time to see the girls have a birthday.  I was afraid for my life.  

All of my experiences are now peppered with that fear, or that perspective.  I am "positive-thinking" yes, I know I know... but the reality of the situation calls for me to make decisions very carefully, things are different now.  I no longer approach situations as my former immortal self who may occasionally have been  impulsive.  I have to see the big picture, all the time.  No wonder I am always so tired! 

When making decisions now I have to weigh both sides of the equation, will I be here for the outcome of this?  Or will I not be here for it?  

Financial choices, career goals, home renovations, getting a dog, all of the every day dealings of a normal middle-class adult are on my mind, as they are on the minds of my friends and peers.  

But for me it goes one step further.... do I get a dog? When I'm gone will my family want to be saddled with that burden too? (Yes, the girls will have Reese as a reminder of me and how close we are)  

Should I renovate my kitchen; spend that money now? (Yes, the kitchen will be more functional and easy for me to use while I am here and then will be nice and complete for the girls to inherit)  These are every day dilemmas for me.  

A couple of my friends have criticized me for the negative overtone with which I phrase these questions to myself and others: they say everyone has those worries, that any of us could be hit by a bus one random day.  Aha yes, you could, I could, we all could, but in the meantime I can't be frivolous with my decisions as I live with melanoma.

I have always been a "seize the day" type of person, and in some ways that trait is there now even more than before, I have to reign in my habitual desire to participate in reckless behaviour - I may live long enough to regret the reckless?  On the other hand I feel bored by the level of responsibility I force myself to put on everything I do - must live for today!  But also must pave the way for a successful future, for myself and for my children... as has always been my goal, despite the sometimes bumpy roads I have chosen along my journey. 

These thoughts greatly shape my parenting these days.  I strive to teach my daughters to be adventurous and ambitious and live for today!  But I also must teach them to be conscientious of their futures and how every one of their decisions affect their lives.  

Recently they have encountered some family conflict regarding time missed from school this year.  Their grades are great and they are busy with school-community and extra-curricular activities, very well-rounded kids.  But they (I) have received criticism for their extra missed days this year.  Because of "my cancer" they have missed some school.  I beg to differ:  because of the LIFE EXPERIENCE they are gaining right now, they have missed some school.  Plus the usual snow days and sicks days I might add, wasn't just me...but I digress...

They are not behind in their work, they always stay caught up at home when called for, we work closely with their teacher in that regard.  Their health is mostly okay, some typical 13-year-old-girl ailments slow us down here and there but given their big picture they pretty much rock everything they do.  (well, except for keeping their rooms clean LOL)

So how do I encourage them to be true to themselves and do what they want, and listen to their feelings and trust themselves, and make smart choices, and still take some time to relax, know when to call it when they are tired, not stress out too much over the small stuff?  

There are books written about all of that ...Don't Sweat the Small Stuff is a saying I grew up with and now it is on coffee tables everywhere.  It is that popular for a reason:  everyone needs to learn to relax, don't sweat the small stuff!  

BUT still be conscious of the big stuff.  Find balance.  Find peace.  Be confident in yourself and respect your own needs. Trust yourself.   Be gentle with yourself.  

Ahhhhhh... how much easier that would be to do if we lived in our own little bubble and didn't have the rest of the crap to deal with. 

The kids will be home soon from their weekend, we are having prime rib roast for supper with fresh asparagus and baby red potatoes; I am teaching them to cook in between all of this parenting and cancering.  :-) They are recording their favourite recipes in the Mother-Daughter cookbooks I got them; we are filling up on memories and traditions that they can cherish now and take with them into the future.  Then I think we will take Reese for an evening walk on the beach and maybe light some sparklers.  Then start again tomorrow.

Happy Birthday Claire and Cassandra! xoxoxo

A new "leash" on life

Occasionally when I am quiet it means I am up to no good.  ha ha  I have been quiet lately, but it is up for interpretation as to whether not it is for the purpose of evil.  

I have a dog.  Yes, I adopted a puppy: a gorgeous and super-intelligent chocolate Lab who won my heart the first time he sat on my foot and waggled his floppy ears at me.  Love at first sight (and sniff, of the liver treats in my pocket wink wink).

We have had almost three weeks together.  Three very busy weeks.  He came to us fully trained, house trained, obedient, hand commands even! and he puts the ball directly in my hand every time he wants to play fetch (for an hour at a time!)  He is energetic but also very chill... he seems to know when I need to slow down.

His name is Reese.  He is my chocolate shadow.  Leave it to me to get a "foodie" dog, and leave it to us to name him a foodie name.  Cass tried to fight it, but we had to... our entire family adores Reeses Pieces and peanut butter cups and Gunner, Bandit, and Andy as names just did not suit our Reese.  MY Reese.  :-)

I have been thinking about getting a dog for a while, of course the girls have been bugging for... about... ohhhhhh.. how long have they been alive??  I wanted a pup but not baby, a relaxed dog but with energy to take me for walks every day, a medium-sized not any particular breed but a connection with my heartstrings.  and BINGO!  Found him.  In Collingwood, via kijijii.  

He is not too large for our cozy house; at nine months-ish he is almost full-grown, apparently his parents were small.  He is super social, learns quickly, sits DOWN while his food bowl is being filled (who does THAT around here??), and he loves everyone who comes into this house.  He has a serious foot fetish. He passed Claire and Cassie's crazy busy birthday party with flying colours, loves car rides, campfires, the park, the beach, kids, cats, dogs, men, women, children, devouring tennis balls and spitting them on the carpet, everything! 

Love this dude, he is a rock star.  Practically speaks to me (no really, it is NOT chemo brain this time!); Reese is very intuitive and he gets even better every day.

I am thinking he will be a big part of my ongoing physical and mental rehabilitation/recovery.   

Okay baby pics here we go! 

 

Tired on the way home from the vet

 Patiently waiting for the all-nighter-birthday-girls to wake up

 New bone

Wore a patch of fur off his nose from his giant bone gift from Baba & GeeGee! 

DOG WITH A BLOG?  :-D  teehee I couldn't help myself!  ;-)

I want to give an honourable mention to our other pets as well... Fibbs the cat is almost nine years old, most visitors we have don't even know that a cat resides here.  She is super shy and not a major fan of Reese.  YET.  But she is warming up to him and has even been seen in the same room as him a few times already this weekend!  She will come around, I know it.  

Also last summer, we got a hamster.  I have always wanted a hamster believe it or not, and this little guy Leo (named after Leonardo DiCaprio - yes, the girls had a "Titanic" phase last summer), has not disappointed!  

He is adorable and super social, we maul him all the time.  He loves honeydew melon, pea shoots, and running in his wheel all night long.  He may or may not have been last summer's start at testing the kids' responsibility/abilities with a pet... don't tell them how long I have really been thinking about getting a dog, they think they talked me into it three weeks ago! ;-)   My favourite thing about Leo is how he uses his "hands" to take treats from my hands, he is super CUTE n fuzzy. 

These animals are an integral part of our family.  Fibbs, Leo, and Reese bring their own personalities, moods, skills, benefits, comic relief, reasons for cleaning up, and most of all their love... to our family.   They enhance my life and that of our children, and I am increasingly grateful for each of them.

~ In loving memory of ... Tootsie, my pet turtle of 25 years ~

Busy Last Week...

...Hibernating This Week!

Thought I would post a quick update from the last week-ish around here - seems it flew by and was super productive.  I did manage to keep up the pace (mostly) but must admit by Thursday afternoon I was on overload and had to pull over in Angus for a nap on the way home from Sunnybrook.  Totally embarrassing. But we survived. 

After our busy Melanoma Monday we decided to stay in Toronto an extra night.  There was just so much to do and enjoy, pool, arcade, Hard Rock Cafe - plus the rooftop patio on the 27th floor of the Eaton Chelsea was just too fun to see only one night!  We went up and saw the full moon right above the CN Tower all lit up.  On the Monday night it did a veritable light show - purple just for Cassie!

Tuesday morning we all slept in, then went down for breakfast, then we goofed around in the teen room (arcade) at the Chelsea.  Guess what I found to dump an unmentionable number of quarters into!?? An old-school Ms. Pacman machine!!

Kicked Claire's butt at air hockey too. Momma's still got it!!

Then we checked out of the hotel and made our way down Bay Street, past the bank buildings, and a couple of loop-dee-loop weird turns? to somehow land at the Rogers Centre underground parking to go to Ripley's Aquarium.  A fantastic Toronto driver I am NOT.  But we got there, and almost got run over by a tour bus only once!  :-)

We did manage to be home for almost 24 hours, enjoyed learning from the piano tuner Wednesday afternoon, then loaded up again to head to Barrie for the girls to cook dinner at Gilda's Club "Teen Scene" evening of fun.  They had fun and made some new friends, all of us parents and staff had to drag them out at home time.  We will be going back for Bowlerama Night in June! 

We stayed in Barrie for the night, in a fantastic jacuzzi suite king bed room HAHA Who knew Barrie is so busy these days? It was the last room available, so thankfully they took pity on me (I admit, I pulled the hospital card) and gave us a less-than-inflated rate.  I guess I am spoiled by the Radisson in Toronto where we usually stay for the Sunnybrook trips, they are very reasonable! (and the rooms are larger though not as quiet)

Up and gone early Thursday morning, we people watched through morning traffic, and made it to Sunnybrook almost as early as I had wanted to be there.  I had an appointment with my Head & Neck Surgeon, for the ultrasound-guided biopsy of the enlarged nodes showing on my CT scan.  

I am happy to report that I had a good one-on-one meeting with my thyroid surgeon, and he did a careful ultrasound on my neck and looked all around and decided to NOT do the biopsy!  I am very happy about that, because I HATE lymph node biopsy.  Yes I may have mentioned that before. 

He did say that the nodes are indeed enlarged, but they are evenly-rounded, and do not seem to show anything sinister in them.  He said he is confident that they are just "reactionary" and puffed from "working overtime" on everything my body has going on.  He told me to go have a good summer and we would look at them again in the Fall. 

I am comfortable with that, as I will have another CT scan in July and again in September so.... I trust his obvious expertise.  And if that comes back to haunt me then well, I guess I will cross that bridge when I get to it.  

After all that stress and lead-up I crashed.  We did manage to get home in time for the girls to go to their school orchestra practice, and I slept on the couch until the girls baked dinner (thank you!) and then tucked me into bed.  Friday back to the grind, I did errands etc. while the electricians were at my house installing a new electrical panel - a job that I have wanted to do for the 12 years I have owned this house!! 

Funny how life goes on..... yes I am tired but this stuff still has to be done.  And I feel that on some things I am still playing catch-up, as they have been neglected for a year already.  We had the basics covered well thanks to the support of our family and friends, but stuff like the electrical - and the flower garden! - need my attention now.  

One day at a time I tackle it.  I am still working to maintain my "just get ONE thing done per day" "be gentle with yourself" thing... some days my one thing is to get up and make a coffee.  Other days I exceed my expectations and drive all over hell's half acre and still manage to write about everything we did that day.  ;-)  

This week I am continuing the restful approach that I accomplished all weekend, no appointments all week YAY!!!  Next week the girls go on their grade 7 class camping trip to the Outdoor Education Centre in Oliphant and Scott will be back to work, I might just tackle that garden.  In the meantime I will just soak up my family and rejoice in the gratitude I still feel from yesterday's relaxing day.  

I had a wonderful Mother's Day with all three of my girls.  We just chilled out and they spoiled me... and I was so happy to be alive.  I remember last year staying in bed all day and crying so deeply when anyone called or texted me a Happy Mother's Day wish. Terrible but true... that day I was convinced it was to be my last Mother's Day.  I am so grateful that it was not.  

Yesterday I danced around all day driving the kids nuts, and making my Mom a bit peeved for posting photos of her on facebook.  I was wishing her Happy Mother's Day and celebrating her!  --eek I have to watch my step as she has now returned from winter in Florida - Welcome Home Warden!! 

Photo of us ~ August 2004, Cassie yanking on my Mommy's necklace, my Baba sitting down, Auntie Bev from BC behind her, and Claire trying to get away from skinny tanned me.  Happy Mother's Day Mom! xoxo

Article & Photos © Natalie Richardson 2015

VIDEOS from BT May 4 2015 - Melanoma Monday - Become a Skin Checker

Okay... so.... here it is.  Thanks to the technical expertise of my Claire - thank you Claire for indulging me.  :-)  

It may be a wee bit primitive, we mmmaaayy have ipad-video'd the BT PVR from last Monday. I'm not sure if that is illegal?  But it is public television, that I paid to PVR thank-you-very-much, and it is BT's fault for not putting it on their site and making us do all the work instead.

Here is the Breakfast Television video, in two parts.  

Dr. Cook explains the event and the hullabaloo in Dundas Square last Monday:  Even if you are sick of hearing me talk about this please watch, it's funny when she ditches the dalmatian's leash as it was not cooperating. LOL  

Check out the aerial view of the bubble - you can see Cass and Claire with the La Roche-Posay and camera people outside the bubble.  Close-up of the bubble shows me for a second.  

Here is Part B... after commercial breaks.  The gentleman (Julian) getting his moles checked looks a bit reluctant!  ;-)

I will still post the final interview material etc. when and if I find it. 

Lots of laughs behind the scenes, this was a great experience overall. 

Plus now we have a youtube channel... whatever that is. 

Melanoma Monday, Toronto ON May 4, 2015 - La Roche-Posay launches skin cancer awareness campaign

We are back from Toronto, with plenty of photos and stories to share!

Thanks to those who emailed, text, or facebooked support of my interviews in Toronto, I was grateful to be a part of the event at Yonge-Dundas Square on Monday.  My interview itself was not filmed on Breakfast Television (phew!!), but I hear I made the long shot with a quick view of me in the "bubble." 

(I am glad about that as I was afraid my comments on the event would have become a jumble if filmed on live TV. LOL I am the one after all, who ran off the stage crying when faced with a grade 11 Student Council Secretary campaign speech in front of my high school peers.  I didn't make the speech, and I didn't get the secretary job either.  Thankfully I have learned since then to speak publicly during my business career, but early morning Toronto TV may have been a bit of a stretch!)

I have photos and an explanation of the bubble below, but first I will outline or clarify my involvement in the event. 

I was invited by Save Your Skin Foundation and La Roche-Posay to be at the Become a Skin Checker event as a face of melanoma, to share my story, speak about the importance of early cancer detection, and to share the story of how my very own skin checkers saved my life.  As I have mentioned before, it was Claire who "out-ed" my mole last year while at her sore throat Dr. appointment with our family physician. Had she not done that I may not be writing this story right now.  Claire and Cassandra are my SkinCheckers, and I am theirs.  

My connection with Save Your Skin Foundation is growing, as we have much in common in our goals for melanoma awareness.  I am grateful to have found a group who is so knowledgeable about and supportive of melanoma patients.  They help me and I want to help them.  I was able to express in my interviews the gratitude of Save Your Skin Foundation for the partnership with La Roche-Posay (LRP), for their melanoma awareness advocacy, and for donations from the event. 

Although Breakfast Television did not post any video from the broadcast on their site (we were preempted by the Peel Region teachers strike and the birth of the Royal baby princess), I have posted this link to the press release for the event on Monday, and when I receive further publication I will be sure to post it.  Thanks to my friends who watched for my "TV debut" - hope you weren't too disappointed that Hollywood isn't scooping me up just yet. 

Here are details of the event and of the campaign: 

La Roche-Posay launches skin cancer awareness campaign

http://www.dermatology.ca/cda-calendar-event/skin-checker-lrp/

 

<--- Dr. Cook on Breakfast Television  (they are waving to the girls, watching them prepare)

Dr. Sonya Cook was the Dermatologist invited for the interview as well, and she performed mole checks on passersby who chose to participate in the event.  The LRP representative that I had the pleasure to work with throughout the day said that to date in events such as this La Roche-Posay has detected 1 600 cases of skin cancer through these kinds of mole-checking awareness events!  I learned a lot from both of these ladies about skin, skin cancer, and sunscreen.

Skin-care/sunscreen company La Roche-Posay is launching an international campaign in 23 countries, Canada being one of course, timing here being that of the start of our "sun season." Last weekend they launched in Montreal with this bubble, dalmatian pups, and campaign promotion, and next month they will do the same in Vancouver during the World Dermatology Conference. 

OK let me show you the photos!  Claire and Cass took many of these pictures while I was in interviews.  

In the morning I was interviewed alongside Dr. Cook and the La Roche-Posay expert, and in the evening media interviews were with LRP and myself alone, though Cass and Claire did sit in on one.  I will admit that the second last interview was my best, and happens to be the one the LRP/publicists photographer happened to video. So..... we shall see what comes of that!  

I am just happy to help bring awareness to a topic that has become very close to my heart.  Literally.  

The Bubble:  

The "Anthelios bubble" is the high-tech tent that was set up in the middle of Dundas Square, containing the LRP products for demonstration, table and chairs for media interviews, and a couple of tv's playing the catchy dalmatian video on repeat (on mute).  Anthelios is the formula invented 30 years ago by La Roche-Posay for the protection against sun damage to skin. 

The bubble itself represents the layer of protection that a broad spectrum sunscreen provides the body; as I will relay in a future post, I learned a lot about La Roche-Posay and UVA/UVB protection!

ME, in the bubble:

And I found another photo and profile of myself in the bubble, in this article:

Around the Square was signage for the campaign, displaying some catchy and very true slogans speaking to early detection of skin cancers.   

 

Staff mingled around inviting the public to sign up for a mole-check, and hung out with Cass and Claire in my absence.  

Dr. Cook and the visiting Dalmatian "Ripley" were interviewed by BT, and the girls got a front row view:

If you have not yet watched this video, please do.  It is beautiful and demonstrates the proper way to check yourself and your loved ones for skin problems.  If you care for someone, have a look at their beauty spots.  

Our view of Dundas Square and the Become A Skin Checker campaign event from the rooftop patio of the Eaton Chelsea Hotel, where we stayed:  

Our view from inside the bubble, during the evening media interviews and social period:  

 

<--- We signed up to become SkinCheckers for the ones we love, and we hope you will too:  Become A Skin Checker

All of the La Roche-Posay and participating staff were extremely knowledgeable and supportive of our involvement and story.  They were generous with their gifts to us as well, we have a beautiful collection of our favourite sunscreen products - skin safety won't take a holiday around here folks! 

Aside from this post I will blog more about our Toronto adventure this week and other fun stuff we did.  

Overall, it was a rewarding experience for the girls and for myself.  We all learned about sunscreen, skin cancer, publicity, television media, elevators to the 27th floor LOL, street-safety, and the fun of living and playing at Yonge & Dundas in Toronto ON.  We even took the subway and street cars to visit my buddy in a far-away (?) neighbourhood!  ;-)

Article & Photos © Natalie Richardson 2015

May is Melanoma Awareness Month

Hello May!  Wow... time to dust off the sunscreen bottles and prepare for warm weather and proper sun safety.  Well of course we should be using proper UVA protection all winter too, facial cream with SPF15 minimum - my dermatologist says nothing lower than SPF30 thank you very much.

Speaking of which, I haven't elaborated much on sunscreen to date, but buckle up and hang on because here is where I start!  ;-)

Through Save Your Skin Foundation, I have been connected with one of my favourite skin care companies, LaRoche-Posay.  They have asked me to speak about my melanoma journey as part of their Become A Skin Checker campaign.  This is a worldwide campaign, educating primarily through social media and online apps.  And... well... a launch on Breakfast Television in Toronto on Monday May 4, 2015.  At which I have been asked to speak *gulp!*  :-)

Bringing awareness to melanoma is an important part of educating the public on early detection of cancer.   By being vigilant about skin health and checking moles (another time I will be elaborating on the ABCDE method of mole examination), 90% of melanoma detected on time can be treated successfully.  

Check out their site to read more and to sign up to be a skin checker:  If you care for somebody, become a SkinChecker, have a look at their spots.

Part of their campaign involves the image of dalmatians - SPOT skin cancer, STOP skin cancer.  Check out their video, it is SO cute!!!  

Lots to come over the next few days, about melanoma, awareness, skin health, sun safety, LaRoche-Posay, dalmatians, BT, Save Your Skin Foundation - save the skin you're in! and more!

A quick google search today May 1, 2015 shows a smattering of news:

Melanoma Research Alliance www.curemelanoma.org

http://www.etiket.ca/blog/may-is-skin-cancer-awareness-month/

SYSF press release - SO much news to come from there this month!

And a group I have yet to meet: David Cornfield Melanoma Fund (video: Dear 16 year old me)

And from our house... here is a photo of my favourite bottle of sunscreen (you may be able to tell it's well-used - sandy - and almost empty from all the trips to the beach!) .  True story - this is the stuff that kept Scott's delicate skin completely safe on our trip to Cuba three years ago: