"Unremarkable"

Unremarkable.  Not really a remarkable word, not one I tend to use... sort of bland, non-descriptive, unsatisfactory, un...well... remarkable.

unremarkable 

/ˌʌnrɪˈmɑːkəbəl/ 
 

adjective
 

1. not worthy of note or attention. ordinary, not special. not notably or conspicuously unusual. not extraordinary.

Well I like it!  "Unremarkable" is quickly working its way up the ranks of my favourite words.  I had never before wanted to be referred to in any way as unremarkable.. my how things change.  See, when you have repeated medical tests for a health concern that's the word you want to see.  

Radiologists and surgeons consider a result unremarkable if that means there is nothing to report on it. ie. "Natalie, we have your brain MRI results: everything looks good, the report says each scan is unremarkable."  

So phew, my brain scan is unremarkable.  Hhmmm... yes, please feel free to snicker over that, I am! Brain is there apparently, but there is no hereditary calcium deposit residing within, and there appears to be no damage to the pituitary gland - yay for unremarkable.  Just a dizzy broad then, surprise surprise.  Thank you ipilimumab treatment for bringing to attention something we already knew. ;-) 

I have had about a half and half ratio of good reports and bad test results, and I have taken note of the unremarkables... 

- an ultrasound saying "unremarkable" got me out of a needle biopsy on a lymph node they've been watching in my left underarm (thank YOU Sir!) 

- post-surgery notes in May stated my behaviour under anesthetic was "unremarkable" (PHEW that's a good thing! I've heard past reports of my fantastic singing and dance moves while "unconscious" LOL)

- CT scan organ descriptions: "pancreas is unremarkable" - well that's one at least!  One down... a bunch more to keep an eye on. 

At least that's one thing accomplished this stupid terrible week, found out my MRI results are fine.  Still waiting for CT scan results from Oct. 27 but thinking no news is good news on that one.  They're busy enough with my fever calls and thyroid problems... we'll save the rest for later.

 

Week 14 Bad.

After my exhilarating day last Friday I went to bed early on a natural high of having had a successful independent zip to Toronto for my MRI.  Had supper and a little beer to help wash the contrast dye through my kidneys, hugged my babies, and snoozed peacefully through the night.  Then I woke up.  

Saturday was a bust from the start: I had a very high fever and felt terrible - felt like I had been hit by a truck, but a faster, bigger truck than the usual truck.  Everything ached, excruciating headache, pain in my leg and abdomen, dizzy, no appetite, fever fever fever. The girls helped me get some juice and meds to try to bring down the fever, and that's more than I could take. Out from under the 7000 blankets I was huddled beneath, had a shower, and went back to bed. Thankfully Scott came home from work at some point Saturday afternoon, but I do not recall seeing him until Sunday. 

I am feeling a bit better now, but it has been a long week, and I have been through a bunch of stuff.  I am writing now because I am exhausted from stomping around here like a grumpy baby - even more grumpy because I can only properly stomp with my left leg as my right one is too sore. Gggrrrrump!!

It has been determined that I am experiencing a mysterious (but not before unheard of) situation of my treatment drug's side-effects "ganging up" on me.  This past Tuesday marked four weeks since my last treatment, which was the fourth of the first four (next one in January).  My family physician suggested this is perhaps why they give you a break after the first four treatments in relatively rapid succession. 

It could be that I had caught a flu and this is how it was presenting itself, but I have no flu symptoms - no nausea, vomiting, cough or sore throat (besides the already throat-choking feeling growing with my thyroid tumour) and I had emergency bloodwork on Tuesday to check white blood cell count which was low. 

Speaking of emergency... SIGH... I got in trouble from my parole officers. I did not take myself to emergency on the weekend when I was fevered, and I was bitched out - pardon my french Sternly Reminded - that I was given strict instruction at the beginning of the clinical trial to head to hospital upon any freaky symptoms.  

Couple of points I'd like to make in my defense:  

1. I do not run to hospitals for fevers (obviously unless I hadn't been able to bring it down with ibuprofen or if it persisted for daaaays) and I knew I wasn't yet dehydrated.

2. I have maybe become slightly spoiled with all the red carpet treatment at Sunnybrook - if I was going to go to a hospital I wanted it to be MY hospital. with MY doctors. (and my family doc was just returning from her annual trip abroad so I knew I couldn't even get her in Collingwood)

3. Had I gone to the hospital they would have just called the resident medical oncologist on my wallet card from Sunnybrook and then sent me home. I could do that from my bedroom thank you very much.

ANYWAY... I recognize now that maybe I should have gone, even if only for trial documentation purposes and for bloodwork on the spot during the fever. 

On Monday morning I felt marginally better than I had on the weekend, though still better. I was a bit panicky about the abdominal pain I was having and still extremely achy, tired, headachey, and still no appetite (that in itself should be a red flag as I have clearly been able to eat throughout this ordeal).  I phoned Sunnybrook when they opened (which is when I got bitched out), and they advised me to see my family doc. So I saw my family Dr. on Tuesday, got a head to toe exam and a new prescription for stomach acid being as I am not eating? and have been home resting the rest of the week.  I am able to drink water and ginger ale, some tea and coffee, but food turns to sawdust in my mouth and I recoil at the though of having any of it. 

Meanwhile I have also been working with my head and neck surgeons office and my family docs office via fax to set up my thyroid surgery.  Aarghhh  perhaps it is simply stress that has set off my barrage of symptoms!?!

It is certainly an interesting experience, which I why I am sharing it.  I did NOT expect to have a setback at some random point in my treatment, and though they are the typical symptoms I have already been experiencing, they have bombarded me all at once and with a severity that makes me grateful for the relatively little side-effects I had had until now.  Thank god I'm not on a traditional chemo - I doubt I'd be able to hack it!!! Kudos to those who do. :-S

My oncologist, family doc, and information I have read all have said that this concentrated flurry of side-effects could mean that the drug is working effectively (which means it has a tangible sensation) on my melanoma-affected area (hence the right-side lower abdominal pain).  

There are two ways to interpret this theory: 

1. Yay!  its working :-)

2. Crap! its found something to work on. :-(   If you don't know what I mean.. one of my first posts elaborates on how there is no way to detect whether or not there is still melanoma disease actively in my body hence the CT scans every three months. Trouble being if it shows up on CT scans, means it has already spread to something. Bad. :-(

So I will just keep resting and talking to my medical team on the phone (Parole called me again this morning! and its Thursday!) and grumping under my blankets. My family has been kind and tolerant but to be fair I think they are happy I have turned to writing and paused the stomping. 

Sunnybrook MRI - done!

So today I buzzed down to my new favourite big city and passed the test of the famed MRI.  Mark it on the calendar: I was early. AND they took me early! For the first time, I didn't have to pay the max price for parking! Was in and out of there in record time.

Thanks to everyone for the great advice for the MRI, they didn't let me listen to music, but I quickly learned that I wouldn't have been able to hear it anyway.  HOLY that's loud! Imagine jackhammer/war raid siren/rock concert sound check, in your PILLOW. As the nurse set me up in the head gear and prepared me to go in, asking me if I was relaxed, I said yes and joked that I would be "in" Italy in a few seconds... she said have a great trip!  At the intermission, when she came over to inject the contrast dye, I told her that that was the loudest plane trip I had ever taken, to which she replied "hey guess you got stuck in the cargo hold?!" Just my "luck!!" LOL

So maybe that was a silly time to try to get back into meditation, as my nurse yesterday suggested may be beneficial for a Type A personality melanoma patient. ;-)

I was nervous about the test, but I took comfort in first-hand accounts from several of my friends who have had Magnetic Resonance Imaging and are here to give me great advice about it.  I was also thinking of my Dad a tonne today, as his history is steeped in time spent at Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre as well.  

When I was 14 my Dad had brain surgery for a condition that at the time was little known.  I'm sure I could look into it and find far more science on his situation this 24 years later, and I am confident that his experience lent much to that research.  Occasionally I ponder the idea of asking my oncologist if she could help me with poking around in old Sunnybrook records to find out more about the last years of Tom Milner's life.  

My Dad's medical story goes like this: he had a "calcium deposit" in his brain stem.  Not cancer, simply a calcium deposit that had grown over time, and all of the blood vessels and nerves had grown through it and were intertwined in it.  He had major dizzy spells and a couple of minor strokes that caused him the loss of his license (he was a truck driver, so you can imagine the feeling of sudden loss of profession, career, masculinity?). Dad must have been around 49 or 50 years old at the time - I'd have to check his birth certificate.  

His MRIs began around the fall of 1988, after my Dad fell down in the driveway of our winterized cottage on Riley Lake just outside of Gravenhurst, it was a very tumultuous time in my life. 

By autumn of 1989 they had diagnosed the calcium deposit and decided to do what was called "experimental surgery" at the time; I was in grade eight.  My account of it may not be entirely accurate, and I welcome family and friends to comment here or email me if they have details to add that I may not have?  I'm sure I was fed the kids' version of what went on, plus I have a poor memory for details that I don't understand or want to accept (I've identified this involuntary habit in myself).

They removed the calcium deposit in a lengthy operation somewhere in the surgical bowels of Sunnybrook hospital, and it is not lost on me that my surgery(ies) could be in the very same room which held my father.  I remember his account of the story, prior to the surgery he was told he had a 50/50 chance of survival, but he was willing to take the risk as he already knew his life was forever altered and he may as well take the chance.  

He survived the surgery, but what happened after it is fuzzy to me... he had a major stroke (or two?) shortly after post-op recovery time, and he pulled through, but was left in the condition of a stroke victim. He never walked again, completely lost motor function in his left side, his vision was blurry so he couldn't read or watch TV, he needed full-time nursing care for the rest of his days. I wish I knew more about how much was the calcium deposit effects, or the surgery itself, or the reported strokes afterwards, that affected my Dad for the remainder of his short life?

He went from Sunnybrook to a rehabilitation hospital in Toronto (I forget the name.. River-something? I remember being taken to visit him once), and then we all moved to Palmerston, after Dad was found a long-term bed in the chronic ward of the Hanover hospital. 

He lived there for about seven years, throughout which our family history took some unfortunate turns and I ended up being his sole caregiver and executor upon his passing.  It is a time in my life that weighs heavily on me.  I was busy trying to live my young life but I was caught in a quagmire of other peoples' issues.  It is what it is... After years of therapy I have come to terms with the fact that I did the best I could at the time, but I know now that I was so young, inexperienced, and without much guidance - had I known then what I know now I could have handled things so much better. 

Anyway...upon his death in 1998, Dad decided to donate his body to the University of Western Ontario, I'm sure in hopes that he could help others in his situation.  I have remarkably little paperwork detailing this whole ordeal, but I cling to the thought of perhaps he and I sharing an MRI machine today.  Of course in reality I know they must have new machines now but still, it could have been the same room?  I know we have already travelled many of the same steps in the main building of Sunnybrook.  

Myself, my siblings, uncles and aunts, and offspring are also encouraged to keep an eye on our brain stem health, but because I have such vague information on the history and condition, I haven't really pursued it.  It is in the back of my mind, so to speak, so that's why I so willingly accepted the MRI request given to me by my medical team.

We have ruled out blood pressure and blood sugar, so my dizzy spells are most likely coming from the chemical treatments I have been receiving since August, but I don't mind them doing some investigation into my cranium health, just in case.  I was able to confirm with the technician today that this MRI includes imaging of my brain stem.  

Should have test results in a couple of weeks. 

Thank you to all who offered to drive, meet, or host me today. :-) But I needed to do this one on my own.

....tick tock......

Just confirming for those who are asking: thanks for checking in but yes, I am still waiting for a date for my thyroid surgery.  I have been on the phone with the surgeon's office a few times this week, and I have a tentative date in early December, but still cannot confirm.  Sooo frustrating!  

I realize they have several balls to juggle with every surgery; I understand they cannot confirm until they have the surgeon(s) booked, the operating room booked, the anesthesiologist, the pre-op and post-op appointment times and locations all booked. It's a large hospital and it seems it's not just me they are working on?  

But... I have a life too.. and I have people hanging... like friends with holidays booked to take me for the Sunnybrook appointments I will have to shuffle, a Mom waiting to go south for winter vacation (usually packed and headin' off this week of the year), a spouse figuring out whether or not to take holidays, the girls' mole surgery appointments pending, and a pair of stage-ready children whose Kids in the Meaford Hall play happens to be the SAME weekend of proposed surgery date, not to mention three other BFF invitations for late November that I will have to decline as my life is on hold.  :-(   Grrr!

In any case, I promise I will let you know when I have any news.  Thanks again xo  

Grade 7/8 trip to Owen Sound HIGH SCHOOL!?!

I was that dorky parent today: I went with my daughters on their class trip to check out the public high school in Owen Sound that offers a French Immersion program. I did not go on the bus, as I wanted to participate in the tour only, not the cafeteria lunch and rock-climbing afternoon. LOL  But I was there, in full parent-asking-questions-embarrassment bloom. :-)

I was a bit surprised that I was the only parent joining the trip (weren't we all there at Kindergarten? Funny how we trail off as we go, I used to volunteer so much more than I do now)... Scott suggested that perhaps the other parents all have better stuff to do than follow their kids around. HA HA  I am thinking more along the lines that I may not be here to help the girls choose their university, so I'll be damned if I'm going to miss the high school decision.

As I followed the yellow tuna can on wheels to Owen Sound, through the back windows I watched my kids and their friends (most of whom were here on Friday night) goofing around on the bus, and I reminisced about how small they all were when I took them to SVE to scope out the teacher and see what the world held for them at age four. I was working from home at the time so I was quite convinced that I would home-school for kindergarten at least, but I begrudgingly forced myself to check out the school and keep an open mind. 

I fell in love with Mrs. Pearson instantly and knew that my precious babies would be in good hands. Senior kindergarten brought Mme. Tremblay and the start of Claire and Cassie' French Immersion (FI) career, and though there were bumpy days we passed our SVE days with flying colours and made the leap to MCS.  Eight years later and I'm on my way to Owen Sound to check out a HIGH SCHOOL (gulp!) that is soliciting my childrens' interest in attendance there. And I'm forcing myself to keep an open mind.

I didn't even know where West Hill Secondary School was, so phew now I know, that's one thing off my list. Doesn't seem too bad, I'd know how to get there if they forgot their lunches or needed help getting their project home from school or got soaked pants getting to school in bad weather *insert laughing peanut gallery here, Geez MOM!!*  Now West Hill and St. Marys are on an even keel for me, I know where they are in relation to GBSS (our high school here in town, for you non-Meafordites). 

Let me explain the dilemma:  Georgian Bay Secondary School  is our local high school, popular for its Music program, Drama, and the Pursuits program, all of which are right up Claire and Cassie's alley.  It's right in town, saves two hours daily on bus, they are close to home and will have more time for extra-curricular activities and after-school jobs in town, and just plain falls into my desire to keep things local. But they do not have a FI program. There is core french there, but the girls' certificate of bilingualism past grade eight would not come should they attend GBSS.

Just to note, I am not a FI fanatic, I am grateful that we have the option to grade eight in Meaford, pieced together between the two public schools - enrollment dwindles every year so we're lucky it's even still alive.  There are many benefits for children to be immersed in a second language at a young age, I have learned a lot about it over the years.  But in my opinion they have had the most important years, and I am content to give up FI after grade eight if it means a local secondary school education with the benefits of staying in our beautiful town every day. They can always be tutored or pursue French later in life if they wish, or maybe spend an exchange year in France or something?

In order to pursue FI education in this area after grade eight, there are a couple of options.  St. Mary's in Owen Sound, with the Catholic board.  This would not be my preference. I attended a Catholic school once.  Like literally, for one day!  I was raised Catholic, nothing against it, just not my preference for my kids' high school.  Then there is West Hill Secondary School, which impressed me on the tour today.

We were toured around various hallways and classrooms, with high school students guiding the young visitors all dressed in complimentary t-shirts given to them upon our arrival. "West is Best! - Class of 2020" they said on them. rah rah sis boom bah

We were given presentations in the Drama classroom for Music and Drama, both students and teachers were amusing and engaging, providing a little impromptu drama performance and a musical interlude. Then we saw the computer lab (complete with 3D printers in action!) and I was just buzzing with excitement over how I could help the girls' with their homework in that one - this teacher was speaking my language!! Business course overview was so exciting I wanted to enroll in the class - heck I could teach it! (if only for that teaching degree to be in my back pocket - maybe I should have listened to my Stepdad all these years LOL) 

We had a tour of the photography, electrical, wood, and metal shops, and were given great visual presentations of how the business/computer technology classes and the manufacturing hands-on classes were intertwined.  Man this stuff wasn't nearly so exciting when I was in high school!  Computer programming in 1992 was DOS-based Boredom 101.  We saw the hair dressing/aesthetics classroom as well. Really.

Had a complete question and answer period in the gym about the sports programs at West Hill as well, and I am pleased to report they have a mountain-biking club that occasionally goes to Blue Mountain for races etc.  West Hill students also have a class option which gives them membership to the new Y in Owen Sound, Cassie literally sputtered when the tour guide assured her it's "only a 10 minute RUN from here to the Y."  hehe!

At that point I left my babies in the cafeteria, kissing their cheeks that they were not too embarrassed to turn to me as I was leaving (either their nerves were settled down from the initial overwhelming arrival at the big-kid school, or they were just relieved that I was leaving?) and I can now ponder what their reactions might be to all of what they saw and heard today.  

I'm glad I kept an open mind.. I am actually considering it wouldn't be so bad for them to go to Owen Sound for school?  I am hoping we will get a similar tour of GBSS in the near future (maybe next year we will go to the GBSS day instead of a repeat to West Hill so that we can make an informed decision when the time comes).

One major drawback for West Hill is the lack of bussing back to Meaford for extra-curricular activities.  St. Mary's offers a bus for those later afternoons, why can't the Catholic and Public school boards team up on that one and work together for the out of town kids - at the end of the day, the funding comes from the same place, non?  ;-)

Productive morning anyway, I am happy I went.  I was interested in seeing what my kids will be up to in two short years, whether it ends up being here or in the big city, but I was also flooded with many great high school memories.  I loved (most of) high school.. though kids these days have better fashion options - we didn't have yoga pants and Uggs back then - I wore my Northern Reflections track pants and fuzzy slippers to my classes. True story.  :-)  And I scored 90's in most of my OAC's, too bad for stupid chemistry, that's where I lost my kinesiology career. But I digress...

It is fantastic that we have a choice of where they will go, I had a great high school but Cass and Claire get the privilege of choosing theirs.  It will be a fun and interesting journey no doubt, and it will shape their futures more than they will realize until they are closer to my age.  I will end with my favourite quote from a dramatic scene in one of my favourite movies:  where a husband tells his grieving wife that "high school is over babe..."  She responds animatedly "high school is NEVER over!" 

Dermatologists' Review

Yesterday I had my three-month screening at the skin Dr. in Owen Sound, and the girls had their first.  Given my skin situation, and a couple of problem-mole possibilities, our family physician referred Claire and Cass for a check-up as well - they will be monitored closely all their lives. 

Good news and not-so-good news:

I passed my checkup, have a couple of moles we are watching, and I will see her again in February, but nothing to alarm at this point.

The girls however, did not fare so well.  They each have a small mole to be removed; they will see the same surgeon in Collingwood to whom I gave my mole donation in April.  They are identical moles, those pretty little black "beauty-marks" that, coincidentally, resemble the one on my right leg that caused me the situation I am in now (I had it all my life).  They are small, but given the newly discovered "family history" we will have them removed with some local anesthetic and a complete pathological analysis, and then we will know more about the girls' skin health future.

They are taking this news calmly, as they are mature enough to recognize that a little freezing and a few stitches now will quite likely save them 50+ stitches and countless needle pokes when they are 38. I will post news of their surgery dates and how they fare. 

Having said all of this, I am compelled to talk about the locations of the moles the girls are having removed.  Claire's is on her left collarbone area, and Cassie's is on her right collarbone area up a bit closer to shoulder.

This in interesting as their Dad and I have long noticed that there is a possibility they could be "mirror-image" twins.  One is right-handed and one is left, they have many mirroring qualities such as this, and now their troublesome moles are in the same place just opposite sides of their bodies.  I can't wait for them to wake up this morning as I plan to stand them facing each other so I can check their hair "whorls" to see if they go opposite - I spent some time last night researching the mirror twin thing and I am going to post my findings when I know more.  We know they are identical twins, and the mirror thing happens only in identicals so it will be interesting to learn more about this.

I'm sure they're going to love me mauling their hairlines when they get up hehe - I'll let you know how that goes!!